Speaking the Truth in Love

I had a good time teaching the Women’s Soul Food class on Sunday October 6th at Faith Christian Fellowship ,on “Speaking the Truth in Love.” One point I made was that we need to consider truth and grace in our responses to others.

Below is the first few minutes of the class, and my notes, to ponder.

If you are having a difficult relationship and would like to have a consultation on how to respond in truth and grace, contact me.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit. - Proverbs 18:21

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. - Ephesians 4:29

Jesus is perfect revelation of God’s truth and grace

  • The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. - John 1:14

  • For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. - John 1:17

  • Sanctify them in the truth, your word is truth. - John 17:17


  • That which is consistent with the mind, will, character, glory and being of God

  • Favor, to bend or stoop in kindness

  • His compassion, translated into action

  • Both truth and grace are essential in representing God’s heart

Counterfeit Truth and Grace

Looks like?

…until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. - Ephesians 4:15 

Speak truth in love because…

  • Maturity vs spiritual immaturity

  • Unity vs division

  • More like Christ

  • Less vulnerable to deception

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. - Galatians 6:1

  • Character

  • Goal

  • Who is the real enemy ?

A biblical friend speaks with frankness and honesty. There is no “secret love” in a true friend.

  • Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. - Proverbs 27:5-6

  • Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. - Proverbs 28:23

  • The New Testament affirms that a biblical friend is a true (sister) in Christ who loves enough to speak the truth in love (Matthew 18:15; Galatians 6:1-3; Ephesians 4:15-16).

A true, biblical friend is one who gives faithful counsel to his friend for his ultimate good and God’s glory.. He speaks the truth, not merely what will “keep” a superficial relationship.

  • …for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory (Proverbs 24:6).

  • Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. - Proverbs 27:9

  • Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. - Proverbs 27:17

- Jonathan Holmes, The Company We Keep

  • Ask questions

  • Express concern

  • Remind/ Exhort

  • Warn and plead

  • Simple as you can

  • It is not meant to solve your problem of being annoyed with them

    - Alasdair Groves, CCEF

  • Acknowledge that it’s hard

  • Prepare

  • Slow communication down

  • Learn to be comfortable with silence/ awkwardness

  • Speak as though roles could be reversed

  • “Graceful dance between supportiveness and assertiveness and back again”

  • Remember God’s glory and their best interests